so you may or may not have noticed but i haven’t been on tumblr in over a month. before i fill you in i’ll tell you right now i’m not deleting, but i wont be on and im not sure when i’ll be back.
so what happened is, some of you may know i have been struggling with depression, cutting, and drug/alcohol abuse for months. in october, things began to spiral out of control, and i was taking prescription pills, smoking dope and drinking all the time. a couple of my friends noticed my cuts and how i’d been acting differently, so they told my principal. he confronted me, and i broke down. he called my parents, and when i got home from school they searched my bag and found the pills, a lighter, and e-cigs. they told me they knew about everything, and that i needed to come clean. i told them almost everything, and they took me to the hospital because i was extremely emotionally unstable and was a risk to myself. they took my phone and computer and put me in therapy (i’m writing this from my mom’s computer while she is out doing errands). for the first week or 2 i wasn’t allowed to be alone in my room except for when i went to bed, and my parents hid all scissors, knifes, and pills. they gave me a flip phone so they could call me. its been over a month and i’m in therapy and i was doing a lot better, but lately things have been getting bad again. my best friends (we’ll call them claire and megan) haven’t been talking to me because their parents told them to stop hanging around me. i told my therapist about this and we both said that right now in my life i need friends i can lean on and if they can’t be my friends all the time, then they won’t be at all. so a couple of days ago a bunch of people went to the school hockey game and after, i pulled them aside and told them that they needed to make a choice. be my friends in and out of school, or not at all. they both chose not at all. i knew there was a possibility of this outcome, but as much as i tried preparing myself for it, it still devastated me. i fell into a deep depression and i even became physically ill, i got a migraine that lasted over 2 days and i couldn’t be in any loud or bright places without feeling nauseous. i was in bed for days and it was just such a low point in my life. today i got out of bed for the first time besides to go to the bathroom. i’m still extremely upset, but i hope i’ll get through this. anyways, thats what has been happening in my life in the past month.
i have no idea when i’ll get my phone and/or computer back but it probably won’t be anytime soon.
i hope you are all doing wonderful, i wish there was a way you could keep in contact with me but there isn’t so until next time!
pce luv n weed,